your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
