Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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