ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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