my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
