Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
