And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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