dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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