No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
