Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
