Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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