Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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