So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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