Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
