so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
