You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
