i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dignity is for republicans.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
