Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
