put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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