Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
