I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
