I heard we made out
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
