Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
