she told me i tasted like america
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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