Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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