Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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