you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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