Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
