Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
