It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
