And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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