I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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