I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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