Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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