God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
