You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
