And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
