Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
