i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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