ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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