I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
