I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
