That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
do nipples grow back?
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