PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
