soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
