He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
