Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
