My first STD was from a foam party
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
