Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
