I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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