We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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