I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
