I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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