Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
