Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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