So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
