Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
