ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
