My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
accomplished twins. life is a go
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
