Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
