I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
