Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I pour the whiskey from now on
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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