I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
FUCK WHALES
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
