ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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