If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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