When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
