I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
