Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
how drunk are you?
Several
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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