I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
