9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is it penis luge time yet?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
