I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
