Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
