dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
