I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
