My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Bring me that man meat
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
