we were pretty classy up until the second keg
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
