He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
